Dangerously in Love
by Caranina
Summary: There were rules to never be broken but here we are breaking the most important of them all. AU. Rated M for a reason. Gaa/Naru Sasu/Naru yaoi.
1. Prelude

A/N: So what do I say about this? I have no idea. The regular disclaimer applies. I do not own the characters only the plot. It's a lot shorter than what I usually write. It's a one shot but there will be a sequel to this. Don't know when I will be starting it though. My thanks to my wonderful beta Mei-chan for being my muse and for beta-ing. I think I'll dedicate this fic to her and to everyone that have ever reviewed a story I've written. Thank you all.

**Dangerously in Love (Prelude)**

There are rules to what we do. Rules never to be broken; maybe sometimes bent, but never broken. There are rules to what we do. Rules to protect ourselves, to protect those we care about. Rules to protect those we love. Except there is no one that I love. There has never been anyone that I loved, except myself. So I've always obeyed the rules to protect myself. Him - there is someone he loves. I know, even now that he's here with me, letting me do these things to him, he is still in love with that man. He made it clear from the beginning. I remember the words he said that day. I don't think I'll ever forget them. They'd caught me by surprise.

_"I love him."_

That's what he said; and me - me in all my corrupt, poisonous glory - scoffed at him.  
_"So what? It's just a fuck. If you're going to end up on some fucking guilt trip afterward, spare me the trouble and get the fuck out."_

He looked at me then in a way that made me want to beat the shit out of him. Yet, instead, I pushed him up against my wall and raped his mouth with my tongue. He responded so quickly it surprised me. He fought me then, pushing his tongue against mine, fighting for control. For a long time, we ravaged each others' mouths. Eventually, he pulled away, breaking the kiss.

_"If we're going to do this, I want top."_

I smirked at him then. I knew why he wanted top. He was afraid his lover would find out another dick was in his ass only a few hours ago. Back then, it was fine with me. It wasn't the first time I'd done this. It wouldn't be the last. Back then, it didn't matter to me if I was on top or not. It didn't matter whether the hole my dick was in belonged to a male or a female. It didn't matter, as long as I got off and I enjoyed myself.

Even now as I'm moving inside him, I remember all these things. I remember the rules, the rules to what we do. I know the rules. I know them by heart. I've yelled them at him, screamed them at him, laughed at him after reciting them, called him a hopeless fool as I shoved them in his face. Yet, as I move inside him, I'm breaking the one rule that I know should never be broken. Above all else, this one rule never spoken but implicitly understood - Never allow this rule to be broken.

Yet as he wraps his arms around me begging for more, his voice whispering my name like a mantra as I move inside him with slow steady thrusts, that cause him to tighten his arms around me, I know. I know we're breaking that rule, and because of that everything is going to fall apart. But as my lips make contact with his, as my grip on him tightens, I know I don't care, because all that matters is that we're here, and I'm making him moan in pleasure, and he's begging for more. All that matters is his neck is tilting backward as I'm worshiping the expanse of tanned skin with delicate kisses that no longer surprise us, because we've both come to accept the gentleness that I shower on him.

Even now, I know he's going to regret this. He's always been an emotional fool. I should have seen this coming. I've been playing this game long enough to know when to end it. No matter what they say, they always become attached. They always want what is impossible to have. I was an expert at this, I am an expert, never allowing them to stay long enough to make me feel, never long enough for us to break the final rule. I'm obsessed with the rules because they're there to keep people like us from doing exactly what we're doing now. They're there to keep people like me from caring because nothing good happens whenever I care.

"Gaara..."

He's breathing my name, his breath tickling my heated skin. I can feel our bodies slick with sweat, sliding against each other and he wraps his legs around my waist.

Why didn't I stop this? I knew it was happening; I saw it happening. Every time we met, every time we fucked, every time we touched, every harsh word, every kiss, every glance, every breath... We were getting too involved, hopelessly tangled, ridiculously intertwined, and we didn't stop. Even as the coils thickened, we didn't stop. I was stronger, I was experienced, but I didn't stop him. Instead, I allowed him to wrap himself around me like he's doing now. I allowed him to drag me into this web with him. I know this will never end well, I know in the end he'll end up a broken shell. Guilt will rack his body, tear him apart from the inside out. I can tell, every time we've been together I can see the guilt shimmering beneath the surface in those expressive eyes. How he's managed to hide it from his lover for so long, I'll never know. Maybe it has something to do with the immense love I know he holds for that man.

I crush my lips against his as his breathing speeds up even more. He's getting close. I can feel the tightening of his body, preparing to be snapped taut.

This isn't going to end well. He loves _him_, I'm no fool to not know that. He loves that man as much as I hate the bastard. Once upon a time, I never cared, I didn't give a shit about that man's existence. As long as he didn't find out, we could keep doing this. Eventually, that man got a name and a face. I remember the first time I met him. I'd laughed my fucking ass off on the inside. The arrogant prick had no idea that I was letting his little blond lover fuck me, and blondie was enjoying every moment of it. Back then, all I felt was cool disregard. I didn't give a shit that his family name is plastered on one of the tallest buildings in Tokyo because - guess what - so is mine.

When did that cool disregard change to deep seated hatred that made me want to break that pale slender neck every time I saw it? When did it start pissing me off whenever blondie got dressed up to go see that bastard, or called in to say he couldn't make it because his lover had set up an impromptu date? When did my chest start feeling like it was being shredded whenever I thought about him and his lover? When did I start making the irrational demand to do the fucking even though I knew his lover was still in Tokyo, and they would be together the very same night? When did he start letting me fuck him when his lover was in Tokyo, and the chances of him getting caught were so high?

I increase the force of my thrusts as I reach down to pump his weeping erection. I'm groaning and telling him how good he feels. It's too much, and he explodes all over my hand. His seed is hot as it spews between us. His muscles tighten and the sound of him screaming my name drags me down with him, and before I realize it, I'm coming deep inside him. We didn't use a condom this time. Just another risk to add to the long list of fuck ups we've already compiled. I come, groaning his name loudly. I collapse unto him, still buried inside him. I can hear his breath coming in short bursts. On shaky arms, I push myself up to meet those blue eyes. Except they're closed and there are two wet trails flowing down his scarred cheeks.

"Look at me." I demand.

He shakes his head and tries to cover his eyes with his arm. This only pisses me off. Kami, does he even understand how much I need to see his eyes focused on me? me, and only me? I pull out of him roughly and I see him grimace slightly in discomfort. With a growl, I reach out and yank his arm out of the way.

"I said - Look at me!"

The tears are flowing in steady streams now, and he slowly opens his eyes to reveal two, stunning blue pools, brimming with unshed tears.  
It's on display, and I think my heart has stopped beating. I can see it - The final and most important rule being broken; and from now on, there is no turning back. I just know I'll look back to this point, some time later, and realize the crashing sound I've heard wasn't my blood pounding in my ears, but our lives falling apart around us in a million broken pieces. We stare at each before he finally breaks the silence. Reaching up, he traces the scar on my forehead, brushing aside the crimson strands stuck to my skin.  
"I love him... God knows I love him, with everything that I am... So why do I feel like I can't live without _you_?"

The final rule has broken, and the first piece has fallen. I know this. Yet, I'm still leaning forward to kiss him and devour his lips, even as his tears keep flowing.

I shouldn't be doing this. I should push him away, tell him to get the fuck out. I should be me, the ruthless heartless me. What happened to me? Who am I now? Who is this person kissing the blond back and feeling invincible? I have no right. No right at all! Because he isn't mine. He was never mine to begin with. And no matter how hard I try to pretend, and no matter how much he tells me he needs me, I know he needs _him_ too. For that simple reason, for his selfishness, all of our lives will come tumbling down. I know this, yet I do nothing to stop it.


	2. Part I

A/N: I decided to continue this after all. However, it will probably be updated even slower than my already pathetically slow updates for my other two stories. Love to my beta Mei Mei. I heart her.

**Dangerously In Love (Part I)**

I can hardly breathe. The room is suddenly stifling. I'm suddenly being choked by my tie. My brother is sitting across from me, silently watching my reaction. My chest heaves under the strain of pulling air into my lungs; my hands are beginning to cramp from gripping my desk so tightly.

"I warned you."

I don't even acknowledge my brother's words—too fixated am I on the proof before me.

"I told you. He's too easy to love...and he loves too easily"

I know he's right. It's always been too easy to love him...too easy to be loved by him. He could get anyone to fall in love with him. It's the simple truth. Even Itachi had almost fallen under his spell once. Slowly, I lift my hand to shift the pictures before me. Photos my brother had secretly taken, pictures that contained the undeniable truth—he betrayed me. After almost a decade together, he's finally betrayed me...and it hurt. It hurts so fucking much that if I could I would rip my own heart out just to stop the pain. Yet despite all this, even now I know I can't even think of letting him go.

"Sasuke."

He's my savior, my rescuer, my life. When everyone else had given up on me, he'd been there. He'd been the only one willing to follow me into the hell that I'd created for myself so many years ago, and drag me back. He was the reason that I could sit in the same room with my brother and not try to commit murder.

Three months ago, if someone had told me that my lover was being unfaithful, I would have laughed in their face and tried to rip out their tongue.

But then, three months ago, he wasn't sneaking out of our bed at all times of the night so he could share whispered words with another in our bathroom. Three months ago, he wasn't suddenly working so hard that he was skipping our lunch dates. Three months ago, he still called me on the nights we couldn't be together because he couldn't sleep until he heard me say his name. Three months ago, he was forcing me into going places with him that he knew I had no interest in going. Three months ago, he would never fight me if I wanted to be the one to take him. Three months ago, he was practically insatiable in bed. Three months ago, he wasn't looking at me with such over whelming guilt reflected in his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking.

Then again, three months ago, he wasn't fucking that red-haired bastard! Gaara Sabaku!

Anger slams into me, hitting my system like a sledge hammer, burning through me, scorching my insides. The more I stare at pictures of him with his lover the more I feel sick. No wonder that fucking degenerate would look at me like that, with such hate, such disdain. We'd never particularly liked each other but now this explains the blatant contempt I'd begun to see reflected in his eyes, increasing with each meeting.

"So what are you going to do?"

My brother's words jolt me. Slowly, I lift my eyes to meet him. Despite his impassive face, I can see the worry in his eyes. He is sitting there, staring at me expectantly. We are so much alike but so incredibly different. My brother, the only family I have other than him. The only other person in this world who gives two shits about me—the real me.

I say nothing to him.

Grabbing the pictures, I storm out of my office. With every step, I feel like a part of me is being left behind, replaced by a raging inferno of betrayal and anger. How could he do this to me? After everything we've been through, how can he do this to me? And yet a small part of me is whispering that I deserve it, the small part of me that had never let go of the self-loathing I felt for once treating him the way I did.

God, it hurts. It fucking hurts!

* * *

I get to our apartment and he's sitting on the floor staring at the envelope in my hand, his fingers frozen over the keys of his laptop, concern and trepidation written all over his face. I can see it in his eyes—he knows I know. Neither of us say anything. I can't stop staring at him. He's wearing my clothes again, something he'd been doing since we got together. My fists clench, my jaw is so tight that it's beginning to ache from the tension. How dare he? How dare he fuck around with someone else and have the audacity to sit there in my clothes?

He's slowly setting his laptop aside. Neither of us has said anything yet. I simply stand there watching him as he rises to his feet. He inhales deeply and despite it all part of me still wants him because despite it all he's still so fucking beautiful. Both inside and out. Slowly, his eyes meet mine and I wish they hadn't. Because already I can see—he's hurting too.

"Sasu-"

He's saying my name and moving towards me and I lose it. He has no right to look like that! No right!

"Don't! Don't you dare fucking say my name! Don't you dare fucking say it!"

He freezes instantly and winces at my voice.

"How could you?... How could you? Ten years! Ten fucking years we've been together!"

That's right. Since we were sixteen.

My body is shaking and my head is pounding and my vision is blurry. Yet he hasn't taken his eyes off me. They're so blue, so damn blue, and suddenly I remember how they look when we've just finished having sex and they're shining up at me with adoration.

I fling the envelope at him and it hits him in the face before falling to the ground. He doesn't move.

"Open it!" I yell at him but still he does nothing but stare at me.

"Open the fucking envelope!"

I watch as he does what I say. Slowly, he pulls out the pictures. I watch his reaction. He's so quiet as he goes through the pictures. His eyelids droop slightly and his hands begin to shake badly. He stops at one in particular and simply stares. This only pisses me off more. Walking over to him, I violently snatch them from his hands and fling them aside. He flinches but does nothing else. And his reaction infuriates me even more.

And suddenly, I'm yelling at him and screaming and he simply stands there. His blue eyes are focused on me and now they're shimmering with unshed tears, tears he's trying to hold back. And the sight of them makes me lose it. I punch him hard. He allows me to do it, falling to the floor with a resounding thud from the force of the blow. He yelps in pain as his elbows slam into the floor. It's the only sound he's made so far.

"Don't you cry. Don't you dare fucking cry. You don't have the right to fucking cry!" I scream at him.

I've lost track of how long I've been raving. I'm out of breath. My throat is sore and my head aches. He's still on the floor in the position he landed and I crush the guilt I feel at hitting him. He deserves way more than that.

"I'm sorry."

He says it so softly, so brokenly. And my heart is breaking further.

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke."

"No! No!" I yell at him again. His apology is like glass, moving through my veins, ripping me apart from the inside. Because I know he truly is sorry.  
"You don't get to be sorry! You don't get to cry! You don't get to say sorry! You don't get to fucking apologize!"

He's curled in on himself, and the dam breaks. His sobs are barely audible.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He keeps repeating those words despite my warning. They're beginning to come out garbled by the sounds of his crying.

I drop to my knees before him. I'm suddenly so exhausted. I kneel there, watching him cry. The last time he'd cried like this, he'd thought I was going to die.

"Why? Why, Naruto? What did I do? What did I do to deserve this? Tell me. Tell me! Tell me so I can fix it. Tell me so I can make you love me again." I whisper the words as I watch him cry.

Because despite what he's done, I need him like I need the blood that flows through my veins. The betrayal hurts but the possibility that he's stopped loving me hurts a hundred times worse.

"I never stopped loving you. I will always love you."

He's finally looking at me as he says this. His eyes begging me to believe him. I want to believe it's true so fucking much. I want to believe that his feelings for me hasn't changed one bit. How can I possibly believe this when I know he's freely given a part of him that only I have ever known to someone else? I'm his first but no longer am I his only.

We just stare at each other. Neither of us has moved. I can tell he wants to come to me but he's holding himself back.

"How long?"

I finally ask quietly. It's a question I've been dying to know the answer to since I'd found out what he's been doing behind my back.

His body goes rigid and I just know that I don't want to hear the truth. I'm praying he will lie. I'm hoping he will lie.

He turns away from me.

"How long, Naruto?"

"...Two and a half years."

"Two years." I parrot.

I'm suddenly laughing. I'm laughing so hard that my sides begin to hurt. He's been doing this for two years and I only began suspecting him three months ago. This is unbelievable. Now my tears are flowing because of my uncontrollable laughter. The situation would be absolutely hilarious if it was. When I finally get a hold of myself, I look at him to see him staring at me with wide eyes. He probably thinks I've lost it.

"You're in-fucking-credible you know that? You've been fucking that cold bastard for two fucking years and I didn't even suspect a thing. You're some piece of work, Naruto."

"Sasuke I-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I yell at him. My anger is back. It's back with a vengeance as I remember all the times I met with that fucker. All the times I sat in business meetings with him. All the joint business endeavors we were—are—part of. Gaara. All this time, they were screwing each other behind my back and I didn't suspect a thing. I'm on my feet again, and I'm staring down at the sniveling figure of my lover.

"I love you so fucking much, you know that?"

The words are out before I realize it and I think more than anything I've said to him tonight, those words have hurt him the most. He recoils sharply. He looks so small there on the floor and it's getting on my nerves. I'm the one in pain. I'm the one that's been betrayed. Me. Not him!

Why the hell does he look so tortured?

"Get off the fucking floor! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Reaching out, I grab his arm and pull him to his feet, yanking hard, making my fingers dig into his flesh. He doesn't even struggle. He just stands there when I let him go with another shove. He stumbles harshly but manages to right himself.

He's stopped crying now. Instead, he's making these tiny strangled noises as he tries to hold them back. He's realized the more he cries the more furious I become. Or maybe he's too guilty to shed tears. His face is streaked and his eyes are puffy and red. His jaw is starting to swell from where I hit him and the skin is starting to turn an ugly colour. The sight of him is starting to make me sick. I turn my back on him and rake my hand through my hair.

My eyes rest on one of the pictures. Their foreheads were touching and Gaara's hands were buried in the blond strands. The same strands I've always found it difficult to resist running my fingers through. Where the hell were they when that picture was taken? Where the hell was I?

"Do you love him?" I ask him while my eyes remain riveted on that one photo.

He doesn't answer me but that's all the answer I need. I turn around then to stare at him. I need to hear him say it, I need to hear him utter the words because I'm hoping against hope he'll say no.

I've never seen him look so devastated in his life.

"Please don't...please don't ask me that..."

Maybe I'm just a sadistic fuck or maybe I'm a masochistic bastard because I can't tell who his answer will hurt more.

"Answer me! It's the least you can fucking do! Do you love him?"

He closes his eyes tightly as if in pain. He is in pain.

When he opens them and our eyes connect once more, I know without a doubt that unquestionably what he will say is the truth.

"Yes."

That simple word and I know he loves him with his entire being because really, it's the only way he knows how to love. The last piece has fallen and I can no longer stay there. Is this what it feels like to have your heart cut out of you while it's still beating?

I say nothing more to him as I turn to leave the apartment. He's still standing in the same spot when I pull the door open.

"But I love you too, Sasuke!"

I pause but I do not turn around. I can't bring myself to.

"God knows that I love you, with everything I am...I loved you first and I always will love you!"

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut. How does he always manage to make things so complicated?

"You better be fucking gone by the time I get back." I growl out.

My response is to slam the door as I leave. I leave in a rush because if I stay I'll beg him to do the same.


	3. Part II

A/N: Thanks to all who have actually been reading this story and taking the time to review. It originally started as a one-shot but every blue moon I get a bout of inspiration to update this. Someone asked if there will ever be Naruto's pov. The answer is probably not. It's going to be up to you readers to fill in the blanks. I may possibly make the very last chapter Naruto's pov or do a separate one-shot for him. As of right now, it's going to alternate between Sasuke and Gaara. Enjoy! Once again, hugs and kisses to my soul-mate, Mei Mei.

**Dangerously in Love (Part II)**

Even now, he's letting me make love to him, he's giving himself to me wholeheartedly. He never holds back, giving everything, because it's the only way he knows how to. He responds in earnest. He moans with honesty. He wants this as badly as I do. Yet I know, once it's all over and he thinks I'm asleep, he'll roll over and cry until he has nothing left. And then it'll start all over again. He's in the bed of one man while pining for another. Maybe we'll even have sex before I leave for work and once I step out that door he'll call him and cry and plead and beg into the answering machine.

And like now, we'll continue to pretend that he isn't a broken mess without him. And I'll continue to pretend that his heart belongs to me and only me, just like his body does in this moment. And he'll continue to pretend that I'm enough to make him happy. And we'll both know the truth that he's incapable of living without him.

He's climaxing now. His voice hitches and he's tightening around me and his breathing becomes ragged and my name is on his lips. He isn't loud this time and his face is a picture of pure pleasure. It isn't long before I'm following him, following him into his bliss, filling him with my seed. I whisper his name, say it softly into his ear, and shower his face with kisses. Our lips connect and he's an eager participant, always willing. His arms are wrapped around me tightly; he presses his body against mine, trying to mold us together.

And we both know that even if he gets Sasuke back, he'll never be able to let me go. I know he's going to try and he's going to lie to himself. He's going to try to end this, like he's tried to do in the past. He's going to try to convince him that we're over. He's going to try to convince himself that he only loves him. He's going to try to convince me that what we have will never compare to what he has with Sasuke, like he's been trying to do for the past two and a half years.

He's going to tell me that he doesn't love me, not like the way he loves him because he loved Sasuke first. He's going to think it will work but he's going to realize that it will fail horribly because I'll never let him forget that he fucking loves me too. He may have loved me second but he loves me just as much. He may think that despite it all Sasuke truly loves him but I'll never let him forget that I love him too.

He's holding me now, my back pressed against his chest. My breathing is even, and I'm pretending to be asleep. He's the first one I ever let spend the night in my bed. He's the first one I've ever let hold me like this. He's the first one I've ever let do so many things. This is what I think even as his arm tightens around me and his tears are falling into my hair. Just like every other night, I'll stay awake and listen to him cry himself to sleep; silent tears that wet my hair and the pillow. He's happy with me but he's unhappy without him and I can't forgive myself for doing this to him. Yet, I'll fight to my last breath for just a part of him.

Come morning, we'll rinse and repeat. We'll begin this cycle all over again, pretending that we're fine, pretending that we're happy. And when he thinks I'm not looking I'll watch his face erupt in anguish. When he thinks I'm not looking, he'll check his phone to see if **he** has called. When he thinks I'm not looking, he'll grip his chest as the agony and guilt becomes unbearable. When he thinks I'm not looking he'll look at me with such pain in his eyes because even when he's with one of us, he desires the other. I'll watch all this as guilt eats me alive.

I saw this coming, I knew it would happen. All because he's too fucking easy to love. And yet I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop him; I couldn't stop myself. Because I'm human too and I finally fell in love.

I can no longer take it. I can longer listen to him like this. So I'm rolling over to face him and pulling him to me. He doesn't resist. He doesn't try to hide it. He can't hide it because it hurts too damn much. His face is buried against my chest and our arms are around each other. His tears are coming in torrents now; no longer are his sobs stifled noises as he tries not to wake me.

You've cried so much yet you still have tears left to fall.

"What do I do?"

I say nothing as he asks me this. All I can do is hold him tighter as he pours his heart out to me. Is this normal? Of course it isn't. I'm the outsider. I'm the spider that came along and injected my venom into his life. So I must be the one to bear witness to his pain. This tangled web of our existence. Will we ever be able to unravel ourselves?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Who is he apologising to? I don't know. Is it me because I have to see him like this? Because he's crying for someone else while in my arms? Or is it him? For allowing someone to come in and rip them apart.

"Naruto."

"I can't stop. I'm sorry. I can't stop." The words are whispered in between the sobs racking his slender figure. He's lost weight since he's moved in with me. He's not eating as he should. Most days there are dark circles under his eyes.

"Gaara, I'm so sorry."

I say nothing to him, just hold him tighter. What can I say? I'm comforting him because in some fucked up way, it eases my guilt at what I've done to him?

"I-I want him back. God, I want him back."

"I know." I say to him.

I know this. I know it like I know him. And I know as long as he's with me, he'll never be able to get him back.

"You love him."

"Yes." He barely manages to murmur out.

"You love me."

"...Yes."

We say nothing to each other after that. I remain silent, holding him, until he cries himself to sleep. Sometime later, my face is damp because I know he's about to leave me too.

The day it happens, I arrive home to see him sitting quietly on my sofa. His cellphone is in his hands and he's stroking it gently. He's spoken to him. He's finally spoken to him. I can see it. I can see it in his eyes, I can see it in the pained smile that appears on his face when he looks up and sees me. It's obvious from the bag lying next to the door.

I say nothing as I watch him. It's been a month. He's been living with me ever since the day that bastard threw him out. It's happening. He's choosing him over me. Despite everything I've done. I'm still second best. I suddenly feel so detached from the situation. He's rising to his feet and walking over to me. His steps are slow and unsure and eventually he stops, just outside my personal space. There's so much conflict in his blue eyes that it's painful to maintain eye contact. I force myself to do it.

"I...I spoke to him today..." He says softly, staring down at his feet. The phone is still in his hands and he's still stroking it reverently.

I say nothing as I watch him and wait for him to continue.

"If...If I want him back. I can't stay here."

I might have well been a statue in my own home.

"I can't stay with you." He chokes out. "I'm ending it, Gaara."

This is how it ends. Is this the final piece that's falling?

He's searching my face, looking for some kind of response because he still cares. He's worried.

"Then you should go."

My voice is soft but rough.

He's hesitating. He wants to be hurt by my reaction but doesn't think he has the right to. It's all over his face. He's so easy to read.

He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't stick around to hear if I have anything else to say. Swiftly, he's moving past me. I want to reach out, my mind is screaming to grab him and make him stay. Instead, my body is rooted to the spot. I move not a muscle. I don't look back yet I can see clearly. I see him pick up his bag and I see him look back at me. I hear the door open and he's lingering at the threshold. There's doubt in his mind. He wants to be happy. He wants to be ecstatic but he can't. Because he's breaking both of our hearts. The door closes. He's gone and I'm standing there alone. The apartment is silent once more.

Slowly, my eyes roam around, taking in the emptiness. I knew this was coming. I've been expecting it any day now. I'd made up my mind. Accepted the fact.

It starts of quietly; I slowly walk to my bedroom and sit down on the edge of my bed. He changed the sheets due to our love-making last night. I glance around the room. Now everything in here reminds me of him. How am I supposed to sleep in this bed anymore?

The sound of a tear hitting my wooden floor echoes in the silence and then I'm screaming. He's left me. He's left me. He's left me. I can't control myself. I can't control it. I don't even try and it's all coming out. I knew this would happen yet why is my heart so unprepared? My scalp hurts from where I'm pulling my hair but it's nothing compared to the burning, ripping, pain that's inside me. I won't be able to survive it. I'll never be able to. How does he expect me to live without him? Why? What did I ever do to deserve this? What have I done? Why doesn't he love me enough? What do I have to do to make him love me enough? Why didn't he understand that everything I have, everything I am belongs to him? Why me? Why? Why? Why?

"It hurts. It hurts."

How pathetic I must look. Screaming until my throat is just another thing that pains. I'm saying his name, calling for him. But he's no longer here to hear me. No one is here to hear me. I'm being suffocated. I can hardly breathe. The emptiness is a crushing force, squeezing my chest. I'm lost. I feel rudderless. I feel hopeless. My body is shaking uncontrollably now. My head is pounding from how long I've been crying. I'm falling apart. Does he even care? Does he even give a damn that he's shattering my existence?

"Naruto...what do you expect me to do?"

I ask him. "What should I do?"

This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to happen. I tried. I'd tried so fucking hard to not love him, to not care, to not give a damn. I should have ended it but I didn't have the strength because the truth is, I was lost from the moment our eyes met those years ago. The truth is that from that very moment, I wanted him. I wanted him body and soul. I wanted to claim him and be claimed by him. I knew he was another's but I didn't care. And even now, I don't give a damn. Because I love him, and I know he loves me. And I'll fight for him. I'll never let him go. Because I can no longer live without him and eventually he'll realize he can no longer live without me.


	4. Part III

A/N: Well for those folks still following this story, I was once more inspired. Thank you all so very much for your wonderful reviews. Although I enjoy writing, getting feedback and reviews from you readers is always so heart-warming. This is dedicated to my love, Mei-Mei because, well, I guess I've forgotten how to live without her.

**Dangerously in Love (Part III)**

It's been three months. Three months since that day, the day I confronted him about his betrayal, the day I ended us, the day he left. It's been three months of self-loathing so fierce that some days I could feel myself being choked by it. Even now my body strains against my will, wanting to go to him. How many nights had I lain awake, remembering his touch, his smell, his taste, his voice, his warmth?

How many nights had I lain awake, hating myself for giving him to that prick because that's what I'd done? I'd let him go; left him free to go to that redheaded bastard. How many nights had I lain awake barely able to keep myself from begging him to come back to me. I don't know. I don't even remember. It's been three months and I barely remember living.

He's staring anxiously down at the cup in his hands, waiting for me. Every so often, he looks up searching the area for my arrival. He's lost weight. The gorgeous tan that I relished running my tongue over is gone. He looks pale, unhealthy. His hair is limp and doesn't shine as vibrantly as it once did. The blue of his eyes—the blue that I lost myself in countless times—is dull. Watching him like this...my heart breaks all over again, but how could it when I'd never put the pieces back together?

I've finally given in. Finally caved. Why did I fight in the first place; why did I make us suffer so, when I had the power to end it? Maybe because the only thing keeping me together was the thought of making him suffer for what he'd done? Foolishly, I didn't think it would make me suffer too.

I drop onto the bench next to him and he finally looks up. Three months since his gaze has been focused on me and finally, finally I can breathe again.

Our eyes lock and I want to wrap my arms around him, I want to make love to him until he can't walk. I want him in my bed. I want him in my clothes. I want him waking me up at random times in the night to tell me he loves me. I want him forcing me to eat ramen with him. I want him to complain about the horrible novels he's forced to edit due to his job. I want him to force me into going to see terrible action movies with him. I want him. I want him. I want him. So why can't I just let myself take him?

"...Sasuke..."

His voice is so soft and hoarse. So broken. Yet I shiver at the sound of my name falling from his lips. And I'm waging war with myself, fighting against my need to hold him, take him into my arms. I want to tell him I don't give a fuck anymore. I want to tell him that finding out what he's done is nothing compared to the hell of living without him. I want to beg him to come back. I want to beg him to forget it all. I want to beg him to make things the way they were. Because I'm desperate and I'm dying and I stopped living the day he left.

"I didn't think you'd come." He says softly, timidly. He's dropped his gaze and he's back to staring at that cup. I suddenly want to break it, smash it before his eyes so he'd look at me once more. Instead, I try to break him even further because part of me will never forget that this is his entire fault. And despite how much I need him, it still fucking hurts.

"Not like you deserve it."

My voice is harsh and he flinches, drawing into himself. He looks so much smaller than he really is.

"I'm so—"

He's going to apologize again.

"Don't you fucking dare."

I growl out because he's my one weakness, and I'm standing on a precipice I'm not ready to fall off just yet. What's left of my heart is stubbornly trying to protect itself because there's hardly anything left to break.

He says nothing but I see his shoulders droop and a burning desire for him runs through my body. Even after what he's done, his mere presence makes my blood boil. How can he make my heart beat so fast when he shredded it to pieces?

"I left him." He says.

"You shouldn't have been with him in the first place!" I snap coldly.

He looks at me then and the guilt and remorse reflected in his eyes...he's barely holding up under the weight of it.

"You're right." He responds. I scoff.

I refuse to make this easy for him. He nods and looks away.

"I kicked you out and you went straight to him." My words fall like acid on him.

"I had nowhere else to go."

"Just like his dick had nowhere else to go? Just like you had no other choice but to fuck him?"

I'm driving a stake through him but the end is exiting through me.

He takes a deep, shuddering breath but says nothing else. What can he say? We sit there in silence. He's looking down at that damned cup still and my eyes can't tear themselves away from him. The air is cold. It's late in the evening and the park is almost empty except for a few pedestrians using it as a shortcut. We sit there, next to each other, not moving or saying a word. Neither of us is keeping track of how long we're sitting here.

"Our first real kiss was in this park." He mumbles, glancing around. I make a noise of disdain in my throat. Does he think I could ever forget that? Wasn't that the reason I chose this place? Is the significance of us meeting here lost on him?

We were sixteen then, our relationship so fragile, only held together by his determination. Back then, so much of the two of us depended on his determination. Will it be like that once more?

"What do I have to do?"

He's looking at me again; the intensity of his gaze pierces me through.

"What do I have to do to make you love me again?" His voice shakes but he manages to get the question out. "Because you know, I've tried. I've tried so fucking hard to let you go and even though I know I don't deserve you and I shouldn't be asking this and I don't have the right...and fuck!..."

He can't hold them back anymore and they're spilling down his face now. He tries to hide them behind his hands. He releases the cup and it falls to the ground, its contents spilling onto his shoes. He doesn't even notice.

"I still love you, you know, and I still want you and I can't help myself and no matter what I tell myself...I can't give up on you because I need you, but I have no right. I don't care anymore. I know I'm a selfish, pathetic bastard but I can't take it anymore! I'm not strong like you! I never was! I don't know how to live without you! I never learned! I can't! So tell me, Sasuke. Please! What do I need to do?"

I stare at him. He still doesn't understand the power he has over me. I'm not the strong one. If I was, I wouldn't be here, starving for his presence.

"Tell me so I can make you love me again! Please!"

The last few words come out as a heart-wrenching whine.

"Naruto..." Fuck, he's breaking my heart all over again.

"Please, Sasuke?" His voice is so weak, muffled by his tears.

I stare back at him. Doesn't he know by now? There's nothing he can do to make me love him again. Doesn't he understand that? I'm suddenly angry. It's irrational but I'm hurt he even thinks to ask me something like that.

"So was that your grand plan?" I ask coldly.

He reels back and shrinks into the bench.

"Did you think that I'd just show up and you'd shed a few tears and beg a few times and everything would go back to the way it was?"

He's staring at me, silent.

"Answer me!" I yell, rising to stand in front him. He jumps and his gaze drops to the ground.

"No." He whispers. He looks so broken, so defeated. Moments of silence pass. I watch him and he simply sits there. He shivers in the cool evening breeze. It's almost winter but he's only wearing a thin jacket that's seen better days. When did he stop caring about himself?

"You don't get it, do you? You still don't get it!... I never stopped loving you. I will always love you!"

_That's why it hurt so much. That's why I hurt so much. That's why I'm here!_

He doesn't react. His head remains bowed. Is this really the vibrant lover I once shared my life with? Where did he go? Where did my Naruto go? Where did my beautiful lover go? When did I lose my other half?

I feel disconnected from myself as I watch my hand reach for him. His skin feels so cold. My fingers trace the path of his tears on his cheek, and he finally looks up at me. I feel so tired... So tired of not having him there with me. So tired of this constant pain. So tired of this existence without him. So tired of the lies. Because the truth is, no matter what he does to me, I've always needed him to hold me together. And I always will. Loving him is part of who I am.

We've forgotten how to live without each other.

"What can you possibly do to make me love you again when I never stopped?"

His breath hitches and I catch a glimpse of the eyes I'd fallen in love with. In that moment, I know. I'm forever tangled in the web he's created for me. I'm helpless to escape him, even though I've tried in the past. For all my struggles, I've become even more hopelessly ensnared.

"My brother was right. It's too easy to love you." I say to him.

* * *

I watch him sleep like I'd watch him countless times. We shouldn't have done this. It was too soon. The moment I'd touched him in the park, we both knew this would have happened. Because we could never go long without the other. We'd been starving, depriving ourselves, and that one touch destroyed our last restraints. One moment I was drying his tears and the next I was taking him hard in the back seat of my car.

It's been too long. Too long since we touched, since we felt each other. When we came together we lost ourselves completely. As always we fit perfectly together, he moved just the way I like and I touched him just the way he wanted me to. All this done without speaking, without direction because no one knows me like he does and no one knows him like I do. But I'm lying to myself again, aren't I.

I'm no longer the only one that knows him like that. Two and a half years. Two and a half fucking years. And once more the anger and bitterness comes welling up like the results of an infection. I love him. I always will but I'll never be able to forget what he's done. Because even now as he sleeps in my bed, his clothes on my floor, my marks littered all over his body, and my arms wrapped around him, I can't help but think of them together. Because two and a half years isn't a one night stand. Two and a half years isn't just a simple fuck. A person doesn't get over two and a half years in three months.

Even though he chose me over him, I still feel the remnants of anger at his betrayal. But I'll learn to stifle it if I have to. I'll do whatever it takes because I'm never going to let him go. Never again. Because I'll never survive. Neither of us will. I'll fucking make him forget those two and a half years and remember every one of our ten.


End file.
